Thank you me
The Bigger me
For seeing me
And loving me

For finding me
When I was lost
And accepting me
So patiently

For knowing there’s much more to me
The boundless, brighter, Bigger me

Thank you for being here with me
And in time, becoming me

As personal life continues to cycle through it’s various phases, I’ve come to think of balance like a delicate maturity. A flower that rises with the understanding that two internal opposing forces need to find a way to coexist in harmonious equilibrium. For example – sometimes, you act logically, and other times be a little more emotional. There are moments when you need to be tough on yourself like a strict parent, and others when kindness and self-love is necessary. Stubbornly sticking to one approach, whether it’s out of habit or momentum, takes away from the truth and reality of the current moment. The pendulum swings back and forth, but the key is to not overcorrect when you find yourself stuck in one particular mode.

Finding that middle way can be hard. It’s so fragile and delicate, but why? Is it because the opposite extreme, is some kind of rebellious response to the consequences of the other? It feels almost childish most times — a lack of inner harmony that drives these swings wildly from one end to the other. Almost like a unconscious tantrum of sorts.

A pattern I’ve observed in my life is how I treat myself when I’m striving for something. Internal pressure builds and I push too hard, becoming a kind of dictator to my body and mind, expecting them to perform exactly as I demand. I continuously force and push myself, even when I’m clearly at my limit. Resilience is one side of this coin, which is certainly a positive quality, but when taken too far, it slips into obsession and toward burnout.

And when that happens, the pendulum swings the other way. I release the pressure, indulge in self-care, and shower myself with love. For a time, it feels like healing. But unchecked, that self-love becomes complacency, and laziness. And then, when I notice time slipping away, a creeping frustration and guilt sets in. That realization jolts me back into action, and the cycle begins anew. The dictator returns, and once again, I find myself at the other extreme.

Looking back, I can see how these cycles have played out over weeks, months, even years. I’ve come to realize that balance isn’t even about completely avoiding the extremes but rather learning not to overcorrect when I notice I’ve been stuck in one mode for too long. So this new idea of balance lies in harmonizing the two extremes instead of letting them compete for dominance.

It’s a journey, and I’m still learning. Over time, I hope to better embrace that subtle middle ground where all these occasionally opposing forces like logic and emotion, effort and rest, resilience and self-love, can all coexist in harmony.

Life can feel like a constant battle against preconceptions; those ideas we cling to about who we are. They are silent but stubborn beliefs that limit what’s possible for us. They act like invisible walls, cutting us off from the full truth and experience of being human. Fear and doubt, shame and embarrassment, failure and rejection – they all create barriers to becoming our freest, most authentic Bigger Selves. But I’ve learned that every obstacle is also an opportunity to overcome, and build a solid foundation of strength and self-trust. Every step forward brings sincerity and self-awareness. Every hard-fought battle unlocks a bit more of that potential for growth.

In my life, I’ve stumbled and struggled through pain and setbacks. Following that, it’s been my tendency to get stuck in needing others to see and understand those struggles. But in doing that, I became attached to the identity that the pain had created and in a way became trapped in the past. With time the origin of that pain became lost but the resulting habits and ideas remained with me, sticking around much longer then the memory itself. What matters next for healing and growth is the target ahead—the clear, bright vision of the future I want to create for myself and the person that I want to become. So we just need to set the right goal and direction and make the commitment to the work that’ll get us there. Though everyone’s pain is uniquely theirs, and the depths we can sink to might differ, I believe the desire to heal and grow is universal.

And for that intention, having the right relationships matter more than anything. Surrounding ourselves with people who share our values, who are also committed to growth, is so essential. That’s what makes the Harmony Meditation, so special. It’s not just a practice; it’s a community, a space where people are uncompromising in their pursuit of authentic growth, through healing and empowerment practices.

For me, I’ve recently been working with my teacher, Master Choi on a kind of personalized “undoing” program consisting of 3 R steps – Reframing, Recharging, Resetting. Together, we’ve been peeling back the layers of assumptions and preconceptions I’ve held about myself. Without going into too much detail, we broke down my ideas around relationships, health, emotional influence, etc… What I’ve come to see is that so much of how I viewed the world wasn’t reality; it was a distorted lens shaped by fear and past experiences. But more importantly, the work isn’t just about digging into these issues; it’s also requires taking right meaningful action to do the “undo”; to recharge and reset. So pairing the deep self-inquiry with ZEN energy work has been a powerful means for realizing actual self-growth.

That’s why I’m so excited about the upcoming The Bigger Self Project workshops. It’s a new special meditation course being offered at Harmony Meditation for anyone ready to make a sincere New Year’s resolution. It looks to be a really focused and powerful workshop geared toward anyone who wants to reset and energize, on their way toward reaching for their brighter future. Which is especially important to me right now as I’m transitioning in my professional career and personal life with newfound conviction. I really hope this program can find those who are looking for and will recognize the value that it offers. These are the values that I want to share with anybody else trying to find what they need most, working to sort themselves out and find the direction and methods that will help them get the most out of this incredible life.

This morning, I started my day with my Zen practice routine, after which I laid down to rest for a minute. And that’s when I experienced a profound release deep in my abdomen. It felt as though a heavy knot of tension had suddenly dissolved in a single, powerful breath. My breathing became deeper and more relaxed, and an intense sense of calm washed over me, a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I can compare the sensation to that instant relief you feel when after a long flu, your nasal passages finally clear, or when your ears pop, and the world becomes crispy and audible again. But this was deeper and more profound. It was a release that radiated from my core, and its warmth seemed to flow throughout my entire body.

A few nights ago, I had a vivid dream that has lingered in my mind since. In the dream, I became acutely aware that I was dreaming. I was walking along a beautiful lakeside landscape when everything suddenly became blurry, as if my vision had failed me. In the dream, I thought, “If this is my dream, then I should be able to see clearly.” And in that instant, everything snapped into focus. A visual clarity that was much sharper and clearer then even in my waking life.

I continued walking up a path until I came across a carving of an elephant. As I gazed at the carving, I noticed a swirling ball of energy emanating from it’s face. As I focused on it, I felt that same swirling energy begin to rise within me, and it became so powerful that it jolted me awake. I was up now but that energy stayed with me until I fell asleep again.

I’ve always tried to dissect experiences like these, and understand the mechanics behind them. But in this case, I’ve had to accept that I don’t really know what’s happening or how it works. Is it an ability that I’ve been honing through my ZEN practice? Did I truly choose to see clearly in my dream? Did I consciously release that heaviness from my abdomen, or did it happen on its own, as a result of the mindfulness and inner work I’ve been doing at the Harmony center?

Perhaps, like the analogy of congested nasal passages clearing, it’s all a matter of healing. Maybe this is my natural state, and I’ve been “sick” for so long that I had forgotten what normal even feels like. It’s only now, after this experience, that I can see just how far from that natural state I have been. And maybe, the process of letting go and releasing has allowed me to experience a deeper sense of peace that’s always been there, waiting for me to come back to it.

How many times do I need to re-learn the same lesson before I finally “get” it. So many times I was sure that it had finally clicked, just to fall over and repeat the same mistake again.

The lesson I’ve struggled with as it relates to my tendencies of perfectionism – is that the only way for me to move forward and accumulate real understanding is to first flush my information by putting it out or just letting it go. It does not matter even what the form the “putting it out” takes. I end up holding onto ideas, and concepts and memories, feeling like they need an outlet – but until it’s released it just leaves me stuck with the unresolved hanging threads that remain to occupy and consume my mind, blocking me from a natural flow.

This is a matter of timely learning. If I see life itself as my teacher, to incorporate the lessons I am learning, there needs to be processing and flow of those ideas and truths (and energy) into something else, whatever form that takes. I’m writing this blog now to try to express and output an understanding that I’ve arrived at after many years of struggle. But only after I release it in this form can I actually move on to the next attempt and next lesson and next iteration. So action is needed but still I tend to hold on to things for too long, until they are overripened or overcooked. At which point it just becomes a soggy mush.

As a antidote to this tendency I am learning to embrace the perspective of a practicing student— that it’s okay that I don’t know everything now or am able to do everything perfectly. It’s much more important to stay committed and consistent with the actual practice so I can accumulate enough familiarity with the lesson until hopefully it finally sticks. And accepting all the embarrassments and failures along the way with humility and grit will allow me to grow that much faster. There is a lightness that comes from remembering that I don’t need to have it all figured out. I am practicing, learning through the doing, and trusting that understanding will come in its own time.

So I again fully surrender to the flow, allowing actions to take shape without my preconceived judgments or expectations. Reflection, and analysis will still have it’s time, but they come separately after the doing. In the act of doing, I aim to simply be open and present with the practice. As my teacher keeps reminding me – Do it now, and judge later.