Parenting and becoming Human: “To parent well, one has to gain an understanding of what ‘human’ really is… and even then, knowing it and doing it well are not automatic.” – Johwa Choi

Leave a Comment / Brain Have Fun / By

I talked to my teacher about the great responsibility that comes with parenting.  I asked him questions for discussion, such as:

How should we raise our children to give them the best possible start in their lives?

How should we fulfill our role as parents so as to lay a strong foundation for our children: in which they will develop from to cultivate emotional and spiritual well-being and be able to foster meaningful relationships and professions?

Since children are the future, is it in our hands, by way of parenting, to determine our collective future and that of coming generations?

My teacher’s response opened up a completely new perspective on parenting for me.  He indicated that parenting actually represents the first step in the process of humanization. Growing-up under the guidance of our parents is the first experience for everybody in becoming human. To parent well, one has to gain an understanding of what ‘human’ really is… and even then, knowing it and doing it well are not automatic.

What do we teach children so to become truly human and live fulfilled lives?

It’s clear to me and maybe to you as well, that as humans, a fulfilling life goes beyond satisfying basic physical needs like shelter, clothing, and food.  After all, even animals teach their young such survival skills to address these necessities.

So, what is the essence of being human and what are the virtues that constitute humanity?

How do we teach growing children humanity and human virtues?

There is a lot of helpful literature for parents like the chapter ‘Kids and parents’ in Professor Stuart Diamonds’ ‘Getting more.’. Other popular readings are: ‘No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind’ or ‘Negotiation generation.’  They provide helpful information on how to negotiate with your child and take their needs seriously, but their message remains limited, in my opinion.  By negotiating well with your children they in turn, will develop negotiation skills through their interactions with you.

Is something missing there?

My teacher provided surprising insight into this question.  He stated, “It is you!”

If you are just using a method or technique to deal with your child, she or he will develop analytical skills as a rational thinker, but not necessarily as a person and human.  By just being there for your child and not thinking primarily about goals or problem solving, per se, will make a heartier impact, overall.  Being there and being supportive unconditionally, uncovers unconditional love and understanding and shows them what being fully present is.

This approach being described above represents a paradigm shift for me and maybe for you too, that allows us as parents to learn from our children. Through being open for interactive and reciprocating growth, we not only prime acceptance by our children for it, but we also deepen the humanization process, throughout. Ultimately, parenting can stimulate learning and growing ourselves continuously together with our children, for them and for ourselves.  Eventually, this becomes a self-sustaining process, in which the growth of us and our children becomes indistinguishable.  It becomes one and the same.

While being result and goal oriented can cause growth intellectually, that alone does not guarantee humane growth or humane behavior and could somehow cause conflicts and suffering in the long run.  To prepare children well for life, it is necessary to keep our humanity and to continually humanize ourselves and our children.  That is what should be most fundamental.  So parents need to confront their own humanity and what defines it.  By developing ourselves consistently and living according to our own standards, we can be powerful and credible role models.  Let’s be there, present for our children, for their and our own humanization, and for the future of human kind.

Literature and additional references:

  • Getting more. How to negotiate to achieve your goals in the real world. 2010. Stuart Diamond
  • No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. 2014. Daniel J. Siegel
  • Negotiation Generation. 2007. Lynne Reeves Griffin
  • Harmony Meditation: From well-being to well-dying. A new way to completion. 2013. 2014. Johwa Choi.
  • The Beyond Intractability Knowledge Base Concept: “Humanization is (…) recognizing the inherent dignity and inalienable rights of all members of the human family.” www.beyondintractability.org/essay/humanization

 

Can a Person Attain Enlightenment Just by Practicing Mindfulness? – a commentary

Leave a Comment / Brain Have Fun / By

Recently I read an interesting article by Dr. Edo Shonin “Can a Person Attain Enlightenment Just by Practicing Mindfulness?” and had a conversation with my teacher and mentor.

He indicated that this article makes an important effort in bringing attention to the concepts of enlightenment and Buddhism to a broader audience. While Dr. Shonin and his co-author Van Gordon should be recognized for their honorable intention to educate the general public, some aspects in the article may require further clarification to avoid any misunderstanding. My teacher highlighted the following three points in particular:

The first point refers to the definition of enlightenment according to Buddhism as exemplified by the authors. There is no enlightenment that is intrinsic to Buddhism or Hinduism or any other of the great Western and Eastern religions or spiritual philosophies. If it were exclusively associated with one teaching, it would not represent enlightenment in its genuine form. Enlightenment is just enlightenment by itself, period! It is actually enlightenment, which is the origin for the existence of Buddhism and other spiritual teachings, not vice versa.

Then he posed more questions as he frequently does, “Can the practice of Buddhism be called as genuine practice only when enlightenment is an intrinsic part of Buddhism? Or does the pursuit of Buddhism itself represent real Buddhism? Which of the two possibilities is the right one and why? What is the difference?”

A second point in need of discussion are the four reasons of why meditation teachers openly declare their enlightenment listed. My teacher further explained that none of the four reasons specified by the authors constitutes a genuine cause for the spread of enlightenment.

“Why do you think this is?” my teacher asked. He did not provide an answer; instead he wants spiritual practitioners to reflect on it.

The third point is the summary of characteristics defining the ‘state of enlightenment’. While my teacher appreciates the effort in distinguishing right from wrong interpretations of enlightenment, he expressed that the authors’ interpretation is their personal intellectual exercise and does not do justice to this vital topic: If, as concluded by the authors, one should not be attached to the idea of attaining enlightenment, consequently one should also not attempt to explicate enlightenment.

In conclusion, my teacher re-emphasized that the authors should be congratulated on their efforts to distinguish genuine from misleading concepts of enlightenments. There is a need for scholastic studies such as the one presented by Dr. Shonin and Van Gordon for demystifying misguiding concepts. Without further clarification, however, some of the aspects presented may be misunderstood by non-scholars and will not invoke the benefits originally intended by the authors.

Is your brain always on? Can you turn it off? Listen… without your brain.

Leave a Comment / Brain Have Fun / By

Click to listen

Use the next 2 minutes (exactly 2 and more is optional) to digest something different:

“What if your brain is not capable of sensing everything? What happens then?” – Johwa Choi

Really?! Use your brain to imagine what it would be like to not use your brain?????? Huh?!

Wait… how do you confirm what else there is to sense if you always use your brain? Listen to the 1 minute trailer. Breathe. Experience it. Don’t use your brain only!

Just do it: Put in the Ingredients and get what’s Being Made

1 Comment / Brain Have Fun / By

When I practice Harmony Meditation, there is often a moment of transition that I can recognize very precisely, after the fact, as THE pivotal moment of transition to something better. I can remember how it felt and how a shift occurred because of all that accumulated before-hand. It’s a peak of concentration, letting go, and energy. A break through point, if you will. It can be wondrous and fulfilling. It can also be settling and soothing, all at the same time.

I know this sounds vague and very imprecise.  That’s because I can’t exactly explain the actual process. It’s not physically seen through anyone’s eyes. It is very possible to practice it, however. The results are undeniable, too, by anyone who comes into contact with me. I’ve made something very valuable through practicing: an improved condition, and so to me, it’s time well allocated.

Meditation has been scientifically verified time and again, as well as, highly recommended by the medical field as a whole, to improve a person’s condition… It’s not magic. It’s not exactly a secret, either. It works well because of the internal and external systems we all share. It’s very logical to me that there should exist a method to maximize results within myself for my own condition so that I can maximize my results anywhere else outside. What’s more is that because of the practice, I can get more efficient at improving my condition over time. And as far as I can tell the improvements can compound from what’s already been improved upon before. That’s pretty powerful!

What else can I say? … It works. So, I do it. 

What is Love? – feelings and needs

1 Comment / Brain Have Fun / By

In this funny dialogue [@59:50] Marshall Rosenberg, the author of bestselling “Nonviolent communication: A language of Life”, illustrates misunderstanding that happens between a jackal and a giraffe. A giraffe sees love as an essential human need and a jackal limits the notion of love to a certain feeling. In harmony meditation terms the jackal represents a small egocentric self, and the giraffe – a Bigger Self.

Dr. Rosengerg:

Watch this jackal ask a very dangerous question, but notice that the giraffe is too smart ever to answer this question.

  • “Do you love me?” – asks jackal.
  • “Jackal, before I can answer your question honesty, I need to get some important things clear. Are you using the word love as a feeling?” – asks giraffe.
  • Yes, of course.
  • Well, I needed to get that clear. So you mean am I feeling a certain warm cuddly tender feeling toward you?
  • Yes!
  • Okay, I needed to get this clear because we, giraffes, do not use the word love as a feeling, it’s much too important to us to get it confused with a feeling. It’s a need for us. But since you use it as a feeling, okay, I am glad to know that. So now that I know that, would you please ask that question again?
  • Do you love me?
  • When?
  • When???
  • Well, I want to be honest. I can see how important this is to you, but how can I be honest with you about what I feel toward you without reference to a specific moment? Feelings change every few seconds. Life is changing, feelings are part of life, so I have to know specific time and place to ever answer your question of how I feel.
  • What about right now?
  • No. But try me again in a few moments.

I’ve recognized myself in both roles. Do I love me? When? And when can I love myself deeply enough to share that love naturally with others?

I’ve been a jackal and a giraffe,

I’ve had misfortunes and misgivings.

I craved for love and recognition,

And gave according to my feelings…

A gentle voice from bigger self

Speaks out softly, with wisdom and love:

“I feel your pain and here I am.

Forever present, loving and bright.”

Scroll to Top