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Hundred shades of ego – brighter anyway

“How do you know that your ego is not getting ahead of you?” – my friend asked me recently. Good question. I thought about it and realized that I examine my ego quite frequently, on everyday basis. I am just not calling it ego anymore, and it does not necessarily have a shameful and regretful connotation.

When we were children, we were taught what was good and what was bad, and there was not much in between on this scale of black and white. If we keep judging ourselves and others with this primitive binary scale of zeros and ones, likes and dislikes, love and hatred, saint and evil, we’ll end up in a living hell. None of the important life questions can be resolved by applying the same answer to all people and situations. Same with the ego – it’s not all good or bad, there is much more to be learned about our egos.

The ego does not only show up when we do something terrible. We could be sensing it even if we just think something judgmental or express ourselves in a non-optimal manner. That’s not a peaceful existence, but is there a solution? Yes, there is.

In ZEN method for executive leaders training I took recently, it became so clear why the usual ways of dealing with negative feedback of ego do not work. Our teacher Johwa Choi explained why the type of meditation majority of people are practicing these days may be good for stress relief and relaxation, but not for someone seeking answers to who they truly are, someone seeking for authentic change beyond the physical and energy phenomena.

I won’t do justice to what we learned over two days of this one-of-a-kind intensive weekend training in this short blog, but I will say this. If we perceive our ego as enemy, we don’t get to know it well enough, and we can never become whole. It isn’t an option to live ego-less unless we die or become saints. Then our teacher advises us getting to know who we are intimately, including ego’s clever mechanisms of self-preservation. One of the fastest ways to see and experience this intricate relationship between thoughts, emotions, consciousness, the ego and the truest self is via a powerful method called ZEN method – Zero Enhanced Nothingness. I wish Gilbert Chesterton knew of this method when he wrote: “One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star.”

Through meditation one can and should develop a better sense of who he or she is. Gradually the screen lightens up with a wider spectrum of colors – different hues and shades of ego and truest self are coming to life. These colors may be dark and depressing at times, but switching to a brighter scale becomes easier and faster with practice. To me this is where true freedom can be found – a place of brilliant brightness with the ego playing under its embracing rays.

A curious case of evolving from within

2 Comments / Brain Have Fun / By Human123

I find myself saying many positive things about my recent change in employment. My former colleagues say – wow, can this company be so wonderful? But I heard completely opposite things – people are hard to work with, workload is not commensurable with rewards , and so on.

That made me think. Over the course of four years I’ve been practicing harmony meditation and changing myself inside out. The gradual change was not so much noticeable from day to day, month to month, but as I reflected on my journey, it became clear how different I am now.

Without further adieu, here is the list of areas in which I observed major shifts.

Collaboration –easy!

As I learned to accept my shortcomings in daily communications, I learned to be more tolerant to views and ideas different from mine. I stopped taking it so personally and became much more aware of the “wall building” process. Let’s face it, there are people we like and people we don’t like as much. As part of a team building exercise I recently took the Briggs-Myers personality test and I came out as a 90% introvert. So I know a lot about wall building and secluding myself to a safe comfortable place. Collaboration is not something that came naturally to me.

Wall building begins when we experience a negative emotion towards a person and we stop listening even though we hear everything that person says. As soon as I lay the first brick, the Bigger Self tells me – what are you doing? Put it down! I obey once, twice, many times, and everyday feels like a new day, every “old new” encounter is full of promise and opportunities for making it better. A new work environment is a perfect place to practice “open space” application within and around me.

Innovation – unleashed!

As I stopped wasting resources on emotions such as worrying, fear, feelings of inadequacy, I had more energy to invest in innovative problem solving. That energy did not just increase in quantity, but became purer and brighter, full of hopeful and empowering ideas. Sometimes I catch myself thinking – can I really do that? Am I smart enough to figure it out? Do I really have to tackle this big challenge? I pause and I breathe, and I watch the claws of the “smaller self” loosing its grip over me. Yes, I can if I decide to. Yes, I can choose to go forward into the unknown.

Having more fun – naturally

To me, one of the most rewarding experiences after years of practice and efforts was the ability to feel deep joy and happiness irrespective of external circumstances. That includes being joyful at work, as well as being happy on my own. Growing the power of savoring my true essence enables me with wiser choices at work, which does not go unnoticed by the management. Let’s see how much fun I have in the next six months or so. I promise to update you then.