궁궁/GoongGoong

The Journey of Understanding

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Image from Pixabay

In the world, my existence seemed to be the only thing that was vast. It felt like I was living in a world all of my own. But then, other women—especially those around my age—started catching my attention. Friends. I began to get to know them. As time went on, women who were older than me, those who were like older sisters, came into the picture. At first, I couldn’t understand them. But as time passed, I began to. Even those who had experienced more than I had, those with more knowledge, started to make sense. I, too, started to grow older. Time moved on, and eventually, I began to understand the existence of mothers—women who had children. This time, it wasn’t something that could be easily understood. How could a human being give birth to another, and yet remain the same? No matter how much I tried to view it through the lens of my own limited human understanding, it just didn’t make sense.

But then, when I began to think about it through the viewpoint of “Hanl(the Bigger Mind),” everything shifted. I started to see it as something human. Ah, they are humans. More than that, at that moment, I realized something crucial: in my world, there were only women. It was just me and other women, different from me, but still women. Men weren’t even part of my thoughts or my world. To me, they were completely different beings—beings I couldn’t understand, and honestly, didn’t want to understand. Men, I owe you a sincere apology. Through this realization, I came to understand that only by merging with the Bigger Mind, by seeing the world from that divine perspective, could I truly understand and coexist with others. Without that shift, understanding and coexistence would have been impossible. It’s like someone who walks around with open eyes but is blind to the things around them. It’s like trying to empty your mind without ever truly understanding how it works.

This is my personal confession and reflection. If, from the moment you were born, you’ve been a person full of understanding and love for others, then I truly respect you. But I was not like that, and this is my confession to myself. I hope that by reading this, you might find something to think about in your own life.

What remains at the end?

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I have a mother who shows early signs of dementia. On her clear days, she comforts her children and engages in calm, warm conversations. But on her clouded days, perhaps feeling regret for not being able to leave more behind, she dreams up delusions—suddenly, a house or even a building appears in my name.

They are just delusions.

Through them, I find myself facing a question: When a person stands at the edge of life, with their memories fading, what becomes truly important to them?

What will I face at the end of my own life?
Will I be longing for more money?
Will I be searching for deeper spiritual understanding?
Will I hold on to attachments or love for others?

There are many questions one could ask.
Of course, it’s important to grow—both inwardly and outwardly—to the point where such questions no longer haunt us.

But at this moment in time—what is your question?

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I Am the Hero I Needed

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Image from Pixabay

There are so many superhero movies out there—Superman, Batman, Ant-Man, X-Men…
I enjoy them a lot, too. They’re fun to watch. But once the movie ends, they feel far away from real life, and honestly, I forget about them pretty quickly.

Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, those scenes stay with me. And sometimes, I find myself pulling out those heroes—using them to escape reality just for a moment. Imagining: what if I had someone like that in my life?

The thing is, this is my life.
And yet, I catch myself waiting.
Waiting for someone to show up—someone to light my dark path, to comfort me, to stop me from making a bad choice, to support me when I feel alone.

Time passes while we wait. And we end up sitting inside a box made of uncertain, unrealistic expectations—waiting for someone else to come save us.

In that box, we start to forget that we can do something about our lives, too.
I’m not saying we need to wear a cape or fly through the sky.
But when we finally see the box we’re in, we can start to look for a way out.
A ladder.
A door.
Even a hammer.

We live in a time when movies and reality are blending.
The Truman Show isn’t just a movie anymore—it feels like reality has already gone beyond it.
And in that space beyond reality, I want to speak the truth.

I want to be the kind of hero I used to wait for.
Not for the world.
But for myself. A Bigger Self hero.
And maybe, one day, for someone else, too.

A Story of Arrival, Living, and Return

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Life has been called a journey. That’s why people say we come and go. We come into this world empty-handed, and we leave it the same way. But is that really true? When this journey ends, is there truly nothing left? Is that what it means to be free? And what exactly is that freedom?

So we end up living, hoping that nothing strange or bad happens, gradually wishing that nothing at all happens. Yes, in the material world—the world we can see with our eyes—we are indeed born with nothing. But if we talk about what’s unseen, then from the moment we’re born, we actually possess a great deal.

We’re born with the genes passed down from our parents, but also feelings about an unknown soul—something we can’t name, just sense. As we live, we create and receive the results of cause and effect in countless ways.

Time passes. And then we return to that unknown place. We disappear. But when we vanish, it won’t be as if we were never here. The traces of memory, the things that made our hearts ache or sing—those will be taken along with our soul. So don’t fall into despair or think it’s meaningless. Everything follows the law of cause and effect.

This life is not simply about this life, or past lives, or next lives. It’s a life woven into the vast fabric of time and space—intertwined like the countless stars in the universe. So don’t judge your life as good or bad based on a single moment or chapter. Instead, with your breath, try to feel and understand the greater meaning—perhaps even the will of the heavens. Where am I now? 

The Heart of the Bean

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Sometimes, I take out Hwanyeok (a Korean book by Alexander Choi) and open it to random pages, reading them as my heart desires. When I read the book, I am often grateful for how the words on the pages deeply etch themselves in my mind, depending on what I am learning at that time. I end up reading it over and over again. Anyway, there’s a proverb that says, “Where you plant beans, beans will grow.” However, sometimes, worthless beans grow as well. Let me elaborate on what a “bad bean” exactly is.

In Hwanyeok, there are various theories about whether the “bad bean” was inherently flawed or if other variables were at play. Through several experiments, it suggests that one of the factors contributing to a worthless bean could be the state of the mind. With the same sun, water, wind, and soil, while some beans pour all their energy into growing and flourishing, others may not grow enough because their hearts are somewhere else, eventually becoming worthless. Indeed, this makes me nod in agreement!

I always thought I was a good bean, but I never seriously considered the possibility that I could become a worthless one as well. Even if you plant identical seedlings in the same tray, they won’t grow to be identical twins. Just because someone is human doesn’t mean they are the same as everyone else. I want to be someone with fragrance, someone who leaves a trace. I want to grow like a bean.

Fragrance, traces, beans… What is it I’m talking about? Let’s be curious about it! Goonggoong!

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