What is your dream?

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In tonight’s meditation class grandmaster Johwa gave us a topic to meditate on: “What is your dream?” The answer came to me very quickly, which does not happen often. The answer was: “To die with a clear conscience.” I was surprised – how can this be a dream? Gradually I understood what was meant by it. I realized that clear conscience does not only mean the absence of bad deeds. That spending my life on trying to make my personal life better does not guarantee clear conscience. Not using my time here well means my conscience will bother me sooner or later. It will not be satisfied with the limits imposed on me by me. It will only be satisfied when I keep trying (and sometimes failing) to bring the best of me into this world, when I dream big!

I have also understood the connection between having a clear conscience at life’s sunset and having a clear mind before going to bed. It’s so obvious! And off I go to do cleaning of the mind, scrubbing of the brain, and clearing of the chest so that my heart can beat confidently and joyfully. Good night!

Learning at any age

I’ve always admired my parents for their thirst for learning and self-improvement, and their recent visit was no exception. They energetically pursued various activities – learning English, exercising at the local gym almost every day, and learning to meditate at Harmony Meditation Center. I’ve signed them up for a “ZEN Method” training and watched how miraculous things unfolded in front of my eyes. All the more miraculous considering my parents’ age – early 70’s and late 60’s. I wish I could keep that attitude of openness, gratitude, and continuous learning throughout my whole life.

Here is my mom’s testimonial.

Dear teacher Johwa,

My first encounter with Harmony Meditation and its methods made me reevaluate my worldview. When I left, I continued meditation and Taichi exercises for over a year, and I believe they contributed greatly to my well-being and ability to cope with fatigue and health issues.

This time I was introduced to guided meditation and ZEN method. I experienced and became aware of Hanl and interconnectedness of its power with human beings and the Earth. I experienced first-hand the vital role of breathing and brain’s inner workings. Every time I come to train in the center, I experience a new feeling. Every movement creates an influx of energy to various muscles.

I wish I could come to the center and study with you every day. I feel how precious your teaching is and it’s power to change my thinking and consciousness, to heal the diseases accumulated over many years. I am grateful for all the care and wisdom you shared with me and my husband. He is a retired physicist and engineer, and it took him a long time to experience benefits of meditation. He experienced some powerful healing phenomena during the ZEN method training and started coming to meditation classes of his own will after that. This was a miracle!

 I wish you and your family health, happiness, and prosperity.

 

Life Saving Priorities

Changing my life begins with changing my priorities. Changing my life begins with changing myself. Repeatedly. All over again.

Saving my Life begins with changing my life. Living Life is finding Life, finding my Self yet again.

Changing myself begins with getting my priorities straight.

Once again. All over. It’s time!

Excuses? Excuse me!

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Once again. All over. It’s Time!

Will do. Breaking free from behind myself. Giving it up.  Finding you who is me, alltogether Life. You, holding the mirror.

Once again. All over again. Timing!

Living Love. Once again. All over again.

Savor “Who am I?” and its power’. 

Changing, Saving, Living.    Life, Definitely! Timing!

Untangling attachments to hack the code

matrix movie

We associate pain with the unwelcome aspect of being and living, something to avoid if possible. After all, being used to civilizing comforts of modern life is not a crime.

However, there is a time and place when I know I have to face it. Physical pain is the easiest to endure, with unequivocal benefits after each Taichi or meditation practice. I no longer think of it as a painful activity, but an opportunity to grow inner power, stamina, flexibility.

Some of my friends wonder – why is she blogging and talking about loaded topics such as pain, hurt, love, growth? One of them said: “Meditation is good, but I have always thought that if we don’t live to the fullest now, then when?” This is a good question and in my understanding the answer is related to quantity vs. quality of life.

Why, then, I ask myself? Any day, I can choose to distract myself with more fun, stronger emotions of love, joy, a wider range of satisfying tastes and experiences, or immerse myself in intellectual pursuits.

Instead, I choose to learn from the instigator of change, progress, and growth – my guide and teacher Johwa Choi, the “spiritual boss”. Sometimes he would tell me things about me that I don’t want to hear. Recently he joked that his job is very peculiar – to cause a pain in the behind to get me moving. Just the right soupcon of pain. I laughed because he knows my character so well. I would not budge if my feet weren’t burning.

He would sometimes let me know when I have forgotten about my true essence and switched to the right/ wrong mode of critical thinking without being aware. I know nothing is as simple as it seems, and in every strength lies a source of weakness. Certain teachings are harder to accept than others because I have created strong neural connections as part of my identity over many years. Letting go of “good” notions about self is the hardest. It hurts in the deepest spaces of heart ventricles. If I am not that “good” person I thought I was, then who am I?

Eventually, after mental fits and cries, the familiar process of self-exploration begins. The deeper I go, the more things I find – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The journey can become quite invigorating and adventurous. When I finally figure out why I react a certain way to certain people or situations, I feel like I hacked into the system and became the guardian of the galaxy called my brain. That virus can no longer enter unnoticed. Yippee! I am so hyped until I remember how much malware is out there… Oh, well, I’ll deal with it later. For now, let them all sleep and recharge peacefully together.

Navigating Troubled Waters – Buddha’s Fun

Listening to ‘Buddha’s Fun’.

Surrendering to the voice, surrendering to the message, surrendering to breathing. Opening. Being open.

Connecting. With my center, with myself.

Listening. Feeling – experiencing – breathing. Myself.

Feeling the pain inflicted by me.  In me, around me and back to myself.

white water

Seeing clearly, recognizing mySelf.

Taking responsibility.  Changing!

Really?

Experiencing and accepting the challenges, desires and overwhelming emotions that still obliterate my awareness for convenient excuses.

What precious chance for leaving my comfort zone. What precious opportunity for learning to be in synchrony with the flow of Life!  MySelf.

White water seems turbulent, yet it does submit to the flow, undeterred.

The next big wave is coming…..Ready?

Listening to ‘Buddha’s Fun’.

Listening, meditating, experiencing, breathing.  Getting ready!

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