Life Saving Priorities

Changing my life begins with changing my priorities. Changing my life begins with changing myself. Repeatedly. All over again.

Saving my Life begins with changing my life. Living Life is finding Life, finding my Self yet again.

Changing myself begins with getting my priorities straight.

Once again. All over. It’s time!

Excuses? Excuse me!

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Once again. All over. It’s Time!

Will do. Breaking free from behind myself. Giving it up.  Finding you who is me, alltogether Life. You, holding the mirror.

Once again. All over again. Timing!

Living Love. Once again. All over again.

Savor “Who am I?” and its power’. 

Changing, Saving, Living.    Life, Definitely! Timing!

Navigating Troubled Waters – Buddha’s Fun

Listening to ‘Buddha’s Fun’.

Surrendering to the voice, surrendering to the message, surrendering to breathing. Opening. Being open.

Connecting. With my center, with myself.

Listening. Feeling – experiencing – breathing. Myself.

Feeling the pain inflicted by me.  In me, around me and back to myself.

white water

Seeing clearly, recognizing mySelf.

Taking responsibility.  Changing!

Really?

Experiencing and accepting the challenges, desires and overwhelming emotions that still obliterate my awareness for convenient excuses.

What precious chance for leaving my comfort zone. What precious opportunity for learning to be in synchrony with the flow of Life!  MySelf.

White water seems turbulent, yet it does submit to the flow, undeterred.

The next big wave is coming…..Ready?

Listening to ‘Buddha’s Fun’.

Listening, meditating, experiencing, breathing.  Getting ready!

Breathing Heart

Dearest friend,

Just breathe.

Leave them behind, your emotions.  If you give way to your emotions, you cannot observe without bias and be truly aware of this moment that we share so dearly. Recognize how they limit and possess you, where they could enrich your life instead.

Breathe consciously and step aside to see clearly and be, who you are – Pure Love – infinitely big!

If you do not judge, you will not be judged. Love does not judge, it just flows. Continuously, unconditionally. From you, all around you and back to you.

Yes, my dear friend in the mirror, keep breathing. Love will flow from your heart and free your mind.

Back to basics: Uncomplicate the self

Andersen Butterfly

Driven to get to the bottom of the highly sophisticated system of high frequency trading and find an answer to a seemingly simple question – what happened to the U.S. stock market? – Flash Boys from a recent bestseller by Michael Lewis inspire and remind us that it is possible to keep integrity, honesty, and passion in the unlikeliest of places – the Wall street.

The last chapters provide insight on the danger of large complex systems, big data, and desire to succeed at all costs. The companies that were able to exploit the market built these complex structures using top talent in order to manipulate the data, the market, and society at large.

Complexity and simplicity, sophistication and simplemindedness – we all possess these traits and tendencies within ourselves. A human being is a microcosm of all that is familiar and all that is mysterious, with an unending flow of information – physical and chemical processes, mental and emotional constructs, and an unrelenting desire to thrive almost at any cost.

My teacher Master Johwa says in his book: “You are so complicated because there is you, there is you who wants to become one with you, there is the true you, and there are others as well. You are so complex.” When I drift away from my true self far enough, I start struggling – my mood is down, I am having more negative thoughts, becoming more judgmental, stubborn, closed. I know what I need to do – meditate, but I try to manipulate myself into making excuses – I am so tired, I did such a great job today and I deserve the rest, I just want to relax. However, I have been doing it long enough to know that I am rigging my own system and no matter what I tell myself, I know the truth. One evening I was tired and I knew I had to do it, but I said – let me lie down for a little and then I will meditate. I asked myself out loud before drifting to sleep – Do you want enlightenment or do you want comfort? Loosing consciousness to sleep was my answer on that evening. Despair not, a next day comes with new opportunities and challenges.

With varying success I land myself on a meditation cushion at the end of the day and I sit quietly. I sit and I struggle. All the residues of the day come to me, emotions I did not want to attach to as long as I did – good or bad, thoughts I did not invite. After a while the chatter subsides, my breathing gets deeper, and the magic begins. I can’t explain precisely how and why it works, but it works every time. Some days are so good and deeply satisfying, especially when I experience the timeless time phenomenon and an hour of meditation feels like 15 minutes. But even on days when I am not able to go deep, I still notice the healing effects – shoulder and neck pain disappears, chest becomes open, and head is much clearer.

Unlike the ending in Flash Boys, I would like to close with hopeful suspense. I look forward to a day when this becomes effortless and I live as my true self every single moment. That day may be far or near, or it may not even come in this lifetime. Nevertheless, I am getting all these benefits anyway – becoming happier, joyful, loving, and peaceful.

What if every human being assumes a personal responsibility of coming back to basics, to the true harmony within?

“Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” – Hans Christian Andersen

Drop the hurt and dive for Freedom

HM_conflict1 Many conflicts arise in our lives, and many pass unnoticed because we are so used to them. The built-in operating system of suppression/ release, openness/ closeness, judging good from bad is running in the background without a hitch. There is a time, however, when the conflict becomes so big we are not able to ignore it. Depending on the conflict resolution habits and personality type, some choose to release the stressful energy through blaming and attacking the “enemy”, some choose to ingest it internally, some choose to ignore it. These could all be reasonable responses, however sometimes we need to go deeper and learn from it – what made me react this way? Why couldn’t I contain the stress and resolve it peacefully? How can I avoid repeating this pattern in the future? What made the other person to react to my words/ actions in this fashion?

When we are young, our minds are open and our hearts are big, and we can forgive and let go much easier. We don’t take ourselves too seriously, we don’t have a strong preference of who we are. As we grow older and gain status and comfort, our mental attitudes might change without much recognition from ourselves. It becomes harder to forgive and stay open. We might abandon the process of examining the status quo of our beliefs and our default emotional state.

After gaining a stable social status and a comfortable life, I noticed that my mind shrank significantly. I became judgmental and closed to new people and experiences. I could only be friends with people who had similar background and views. I considered myself a sophisticated modern woman while I was just getting further and further away from myself.

I was not happy at all with that change and searched for answers. Through the practice of Harmony Meditation  I learned how I can stay open in my mind and warm in my heart despite the challenges. It does take courage and willingness to look deeper and see myself without embellishments. A discipline of applying critique to my own self can be excruciating. It is easy to blame the other party and close the subject. With practice, the process of exploring becomes much less traumatic. At times I am able to chuckle at myself – what the heck am I doing? At times I even look forward to receiving a not-so-pleasant feedback from my teacher because I know and trust the process. I know that when I weather the internal storm of a hurt ego with a right attitude, a new beginning will come. And that feels like a miracle – what a great potential each of us hold.

“In our lives we can free ourselves if we realize that we have not one way to choose, not two ways to choose, but we can choose all possible ways.” – Johwa Choi.

In a conflict situation, I try to apply the teaching before plunging the sword of judgment and declaring myself right and the other party wrong. I know the answer is almost never black and white, and there is something to learn for me. By admitting that my worldview can be limited and flawed, I open myself to new possibilities and freedom.

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