Responsibility

I carry responsibility with me. In the past I have often have seen it as a burden, something that I need to shed to move forward with my life. It weighed down my shoulders. My bigger self now understands that the responsibilities I feel aren’t shackles meant to be heavy. With my growth, these chains that I dragged around now feel lighter and lighter once these responsibilities are met head on with courage.

Take accountability.

Communicate.

Take action.

The buck stops with me, so I show that.

Prove it.

For as they say, no one is going to come and save me. I save myself. I do it for myself but I do it for those who rely on me. For this is what it means to be a big man at this stage of my growth.

The Fog of Ignorance

Image from Pixabay

Empty Yet Full in Between
There are your eyes, ears, and heart.

I cover my eyes, ears, and heart,
constantly demanding that you open them.


With infinite patience and waiting,
in the space where time and space dissolve,
I fall deeper into the abyss of ignorance,
trapped in the valley of fog.

As if I have learned the whole world from a single ray of light,
as if I have realized the entire world from a single sound,
the torrential rain that burns my skin is frightening,
yet I only gaze at the flower petals kissed by the gentle drizzle.

Whether it’s a torrential rain or a light drizzle,
the falling rain moistens the earth
and silently melts the burning heart.

Let’s Not Be Lonely: The True Nourishment of Human Connection

Image from Pixabay

What makes me who I am is a combination of the genes I was born with, the influence of my family, and the countless people I’ve met as I grew up—friends, teachers, neighbors. I may not remember every word they said, but their words, facial expressions, scents, and body language have all shaped my awareness and choices. That is what makes me me.

That’s why the people I talk to, exchange thoughts with, and spend time around are incredibly important. These days, human contact has been reduced, and in its place, we’re surrounded by screens and information. It seems like we have more freedom of choice because we can select exactly what we want—but in reality, the range of choice has become much narrower. It’s all one-way communication. This is media isolation, media picky-eating, and media loneliness.

So even though I’m writing this now, I truly believe that meeting face-to-face is the best way. When we can speak with our eyes and mouths, and listen with our hearts, we absorb the full nourishment of connection. Watching meditation videos or listening to meditation music on YouTube isn’t the same as truly meditating.

If you agree with these thoughts, close your eyes now, take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, slowly count from one to ten.

I hope my life brings something good to yours, and that your life brings something good to mine.

Let’s not be lonely.

Becoming a Bigger Self

When we’re young, we dream of growing up quickly so we can live life on our own terms. We imagine eating what we want, sleeping when we want, dressing how we like, earning money, creating things, achieving dreams.

But once we actually become adults, we come to a sobering realization: almost nothing truly goes the way we want. And eventually, most of us don’t even know what it is that we want anymore.

To make things more confusing, the guiding voices we once had—parents, teachers, mentors—are no longer there to say “yes” or “no.” No one is really watching us closely enough to point out what we need or who we are becoming.

Perhaps, a few years from now, AI will be able to give us razor-sharp feedback based on economic and social data. Maybe it will see us more clearly than any human can. But if that day comes, the feedback might be so brutally logical, so precise and systematized, that it leaves no space for grace, for softness, for the human spirit.

So what do we need now?

We need each other.

But not just as we are—we need to become bigger self for each other. Not our small, reactive, fragile selves. We need to grow—mentally, physically, spiritually—into something stronger and more whole. We need to be the kind of people who can truly support one another.

How do we become this Bigger Self?

There’s a book called Bigger Self, Bigger Mindthat outlines a path, so I won’t list every method here. But one thing is clear: we don’t have infinite time. Humans, even at best, live to around 100. None of us knows how long we have.

The universe may be infinite. Some say we’re reborn again and again. But without preparation, without intention, how many lifetimes would it take to finally do what we were meant to do?

Life doesn’t offer a reset button at will.

If you’re reading this right now, this moment is your best moment.
Let’s become Bigger Self.
You and I, together.

Not good enough, and so much more

Brain and awareness are fascinating “things.”  It always amazes me how you start with a thought that leads to a different thought that, in turn, leads to yet another thought. You realize that everything is connected, like a link chain.

It started with a simple comment by my teacher that I am doing better. My immediate response was “I am not seeing that.” “Better than a month ago?” he said. And I realized that he is right, and I know it, but for some reason I had difficult time admitting it, because in my mind it was still not good enough.

I thought about “not good enough”…

Not good enough – this is what pushes us to do more, to do better, to want to improve. But there is a line where it becomes a source of negativity. There is a point where always feeling that “it’s not good enough” is not only not helpful to our growth but impedes it. To add a positive spin, we call ourselves perfectionists. It is much more comfortable to explain it as being a perfectionist than trying to understand and address it.

How do we balance the feeling of accomplishment with “not good enough”? I am realizing that everything is relative to the moment. If we accomplish something, it might be good enough for that moment, and become not good enough the next one. Moments can be counted in minutes, hours, days, months, years. So, maybe it is ok to relax for a moment, accept and appreciate your accomplishments, with the desire to do even better. Just not at that very moment.

This made me think about so much more. How I am always looking for the most optimal solution, best outcome, right away. And then, if I cannot achieve it, I feel dissatisfied, hopeless, feeling this heavy weight of burden.

And I started thinking – it is easier for the brain to have two states: good enough, not good enough. Good and bad. Start and end. Emotionally it can be very trying and unpleasant but brain does not care about emotions. It is much harder for the brain to process each intermediate step, accept that it is a process, because that requires so much more awareness. My teacher talked about laziness of the brain, and at first, I was puzzled by the notion. I am starting to understand.  The brain wants an easier way out, even if it is at the expense of emotions. The brain does not want to be bothered with the processing and understanding every little thing, every little step, comprehend it as a part of something larger. For me, understanding this is the first step, and it needs to be good enough for this very moment.

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