During a recent meditation, I distinctly felt a layer of tensed tightness related to the efforts I’ve been making that seemed to envelop my core. In that moment, it dissipated and made way for an immense peace and clarity. I had caught a glimpse of the subtle baseline that I’ve been living in and acting from. But was this baseline one that I was improving through diligent sincere effort?

Zen Tai Chi has been an instrumental framework for building sincerity. Sincerity with the body cultivates sincerity with mind and thoughts. The body does not lie. It manifests what it has. At an earlier time in my life, I’ve learned this lesson through long distance running. That you can push your body but you have to be gentle and sincere with where you are. If I pushed too hard, too forcefully I would end up hurt and injured but if I did too little in a lazy way then I would remain stuck at the level I was at. So the sweet spot is just beyond the edge of the current comfort zone. A place that the mind finds uncomfortable, but the body can really enjoy without incurring injury. Learning to find that balance is the essence of what Zen Tai Chi has been for me. Learning to listen and hear the natural condition that is being communicated while in motion. Without any of the bias or filters or laziness that might impair the objective presence with the real experience.

But how does this tie to responsibility? I can start with intention – What do I want and what? And what do I realllly want? My biggest weakness in life has been my disconnectedness. I sought to resolve my inner world to better connect with the outer one. An external world that often filled me with anxiety. A world darkened by my perception of it. Who is responsible for that perception? I spent a lifetime believing that it was a product of misfortunate circumstances. Something beyond my control.

But healing is an active practice. At Harmony Meditation I’ve learned how it is possible to lead myself into a brighter state of being. Toward a Bigger Self that encompasses the objective reality of those lived experiences without becoming tethered to them. So a new choice appears. A real choice. A choice about sincerity. A sincerity about healing. A sincerity of acceptance for things as they are.

So I can make peace with the mistakes I’ve made and realign myself with the goals I’ve set. To heal and grow up as a human and live as a Bigger Self, not confined by a limited ego but expanded through genuine connection and love. For everything that actually matters in the life – this is my responsibility.

Letting go of someone will never be easy, but it’s an inescapable part of life that deserves heartfelt acknowledgment and mindful consideration. It’s instilled with so much heavy emotion related to grief and sadness… It’s not an aspect of life I had learned to handle very well.

What I’ve come to know recently is how broken my relationship with sadness has been. Without fully realizing it – it had become this emotion that I had grown too scared to fully approach. Because of certain things in my personal history – it had come to represent this bottomless abyss that drains everything from you leaving behind just a hopeless whimper in the darkness. It was a place that I lost many years to, and used all the strength I had to get out. And because I personally experienced it this way, I imagined others must be feeling it this way as well. But that was just my broken sense, and this time around I’ve allowed these emotions to fully pass through me to actually get to the other side of all the pain.

And with some time it’s gradually evolved into a bittersweet feeling… and I know now that sadness is not something to fear. On this side, I’ve found a renewed clarity about what’s actually important in my life. And a immense gratitude for everything I had when it was there. Thank you for coming into my life and for everything you shared with me. The memory will not be tainted with heavy feelings. Instead I choose to remember and hold all the positive, beautiful moments and lessons learned along the way. To have that memory empower me to grow further in lightness and in love.

Breathe in, Breathe out – I release you, and I release the energy.

Farewell my friend.